Waiting (for Godot)

I have been waiting my entire life. It may have been for Godot.

The first time I came cross the idea of Waiting for Godot when I was a very small child an it was mentioned in my father's circle of friends. My father was an actor. They may well have been staging that play at the time, I don't recall, but I am fairly sure I had asked what it was about and was given an explanation that it is a play about waiting pointlessly.

Being a child, waiting pointlessly wasn't something I could comprehend. My waitings at those times were very pointfull, usually consisting of waiting for a treat of some sort. But I must have really wanted to comprehend the meaning of this play because pretty soon, waiting pointlessly became a way of life for me. I waited pointlessly for my parents to be the parents I needed them to be. I waited pointlessly for my friends to stop being cruel and mean to me. I waited pointlessly for my relatives and other adults to stop behaving irresponsibly.

Then I started waiting for boys I liked to like me back. If there ever was a black hole...

At some point, I started consciously waiting for my life to find its rightful track. The track where everything made sense, where I felt I belonged, where I did the things I was good at and that mattered. Where people in my life cared for me in just the right way and were supportive and encouraging and helpful.


And then, I started asking myself: would I recognise Godot if he hit me in the face?

Read more...