Boys (story)

"I don't know anything about boys." Milly folded her arms. She was uncomfortable with the direction of this conversation. She wanted her mother to change the topic or, preferably, shut up and piss off. Unfortunately, neither was likely.

"Of course you do, what's there not to know?" Mrs Mayers waved a dismissive hand. Boys, and for that matter, men, were a perfectly known quantity to her. The simplest beast that God, in his eternal wisdom, had created. Of course, women were much more difficult to understand. Men had to create Science to try and understand women and still had not made much progress, fools.

"Mom, please don't make me do this." A puppy-all-alone-in-the-world-aren't-I-adorable-surely-you-can't-refuse-me-anything would have been put to shame next to Milly's face.

"C'mmon darling, what is the matter, I'll help you," Mrs Mayers sighed, hating any concession to her brood being less than perfect. "Tell me, what is the problem? Don't," she stopped Milly before any protest could be made, "say you don't know anything about boys because that is simply not true and we both know it." She gave her daughter a knowing look that said many things but mostly 'I know you like a back of my hand so don't give me lip young lady'.

It was beginning to dawn on Milly that this battle was already lost. It was totally unfair, she hadn't even been given a decent chance at squirming out of it. The problem with Mom was that she always had to get her way. The other problem with Mom was that she saw anything to do with Milly as a personal challenge to her parenting skills. Boys were stupid and irritating and smelly, but Milly would give anything to swap this Conversation with Mom for a scrum-full of boys.

"Talk to me, honey," Mrs Mayers coaxed, "you know I am always here for you and will always listen. If you give me half a chance, I may even be a useful confidante." The unavoidable self-satisfied smile flashed across her face.

Milly felt her stomach lurch and a tangy acid sting her tongue. "Fine." There was no point in arguing anymore. She'll just give it to her straight and see what happens. Who knows, maybe this will be one of those rare times when Mom is actually shocked and lost for words.
"What do I talk to him about? I mean, on a date? Because, when I try and talk to the boys at school, they just look at me like I'm special ed or something or just ignore me. They talk about football. I hate football. Or they make stupid jokes I don't get. They are always snickering. I mean, who can be that amused all of the time? " She made a mistake of pausing for breath.

"Darling!" Mrs Mayers said, "Brian is an intelligent, well read boy from a very good family. I am sure you could talk to him about anything you liked. You could talk about the book you are reading now, for example?"

"I'm reading Twilight, Mom." Milly crossed her arms and waited for Mom to lay into her about things like intelligence and mind cultivation and there not being enough time for frivolity.

"Oh!" Mrs Mayers sighed, "isn't that boy just dreamy?" she smiled openly and her eyelashes gave a little flutter.

"Um, come again Mom? Are you sure we are talking about the same book?"

"Ah, yes, vampire, no?"

Milly's eyebrows did a little dance they did every time she was confused. "Mom, er, so about Brian.."

Mrs Mayers transferred her weight onto her left foot and leaning on the car for support took off her high heeled shoe. "Oh yes, you are right, he is probably too boring." She took off the other shoe and tossed both on the pavement. "I'm sure he wouldn't stay up all night just watching you sleep." She sighed with regret, or pleasure, it was hard to say; her bare toes were doing a wiggly dance in the grass of their front lawn.

"Mom, Mom, are you all right?"