Diary of a Lost Soul (story)

30 March

The bench of memory outside of the building where I work and me, wishing I wasn't here. Like a long time ago, in my old nursery, my feet dragging while Mother pulls me behind her. "You must go!" she tells me, "But I don't like it!" I insist. "Well, that's just too bad, you have to go, there is nobody to look after you." So, I started looking after myself as soon as I could, but here, again, there is nobody to look after me and I must go, even though I don't like it, don't want to go and there aren't even any butterfly stickers on my locker.

1 April

I am someone with green eyes and ever changing tastes. My hair is currently blonde and cut into a bob. I don't exercise. I dream and imagine things a lot. I don't know who I am or why I am here. I'm not sure I need to know, I just want an easy time and to enjoy myself doing interesting things.
I can cook but don't enjoy it. I'm lonely and overwhelmed most of the time. Except when gardening or writing or playing with my cat, although my cat overwhelms me too.
I'm anxious. i make stupid mistakes.

9 April

A banana, large, is safely tucked away in my stomach. Tomato and basil soup plus Kettle crisps are waiting their turn. Lunchtime.
I've been feeling very ill of late. Got so sick the week before last that I stayed in bed for better part of the week. Then, last week, I felt a bit better and ate a lot of pastry.
Yesterday, the nice nurse at the GP surgery took seven vials of my blood. I hope she isn't thinking of wearing them around her neck, Angelina-style. It's Easter Bank Holiday weekend tomorrow and the blood probably won't get tested until next week.
The soup is thick and gloopy like Lloyd Grossman pasta sauce. It's not very hot which is just as well. I always burn my mouth with too-hot soups.
For some reason, my mind keeps remembering that day when my math teacher accused me of cheating on the math test. I was 11, we had geometry and I had, uncharacteristically, studied for the test. I aced it. The only A in the class. It was definitely unbelievable, even to me. Looking back over the years of barely scraping by with Cs, I can now see how the teacher had to accuse me of cheating. Except I didn't. And it kinda broke my heart.